Hello all! Just in case you couldn’t tell from the title, I am still in France.  Because I’m in school, I’ve really just been living day-to-day and embarking on very minor adventures. In lieu of reciting my daily routine for you all to gloss over, I thought I’d make a list of pros and cons of my experience thus far. For the sake of optimism, I thought I’d list the pros first. Or you can read the cons first, if you’re the type of person who pushes all the carbs aside on your dinner plate to save the best for last.

Disclaimer: The list below sits upon a throne of subjectivity; as do most things that have entertainment value. Enjoy!

I.               Pros:

a.     It’s (almost always) okay to be late.

                                               i.     It’s true that the French are never in a hurry. There’s nothing more refreshing than seeing your professor stroll in 15 minutes late smoking a cigarette and clutching a motorcycle helmet, then take his sweet time in beginning the class and make no comment regarding his tardiness.

1.     This is not to say that I take advantage, (as punctuality was a priority of my New Year’s Resolutions 2014 Edition,) but knowing that I’ll never be the last to class is always a relief when the trams are running behind schedule or when an extra 5 minutes of sleep sounds better than a date with Taylor Lautner. (Still #TeamJacob).  Taylor, if you’re reading this, you know where to reach me.

a.     Caveat: This rule is true most of the time, but not always! I will never forget the positively mortified look on my classmate’s face when the professor venomously tore her apart on the loudspeaker as she strolled in late to lecture. If I were her, I would have left. It was excessive to the point of borderline harassment/public humiliation. Know your rights people. ‘Merica.

–> You’re welcome.

b.     Public transportation is efficient (although nothing else is)

                                               i.     I’ve never had to wait more than 15 minutes for a tram to come. Now that I am a transportation snob, it’s a burden to wait for more than 10 minutes. Even the drunk homeless people who ride for free are pissed off, when in fact we’re just spoiled by the efficiency of the system.

–> Psychedelic, right?

c.     Free healthcare

                                               i.     Kidding, it’s not free. It’s only free if you’re not a resident and therefore don’t pay the astronomically high taxes required to live here- hence the nearly ¼ unemployment rate. Takeaway message: if you’re here on vacation, feel free to make the most of the experience and get some surgery, or whatever.

                                             ii.     On the same note, and for the same reason, school is also unbelievably inexpensive. I picked up a 1-inch thick pamphlet for an integrated lecture class, and the cashier looked puzzled as I whipped out my wallet. Free! Something equivalent at home would probably cost at least $130.

1.     With government-funded schools, you get what you pay for. Squatting over the graffitied (ß that might not be a word) hole in the ground bathrooms has a cruel way of reminding you that capitalism has many benefits. At least that’s what I’ve heard, I’ve still been holding out on actually using them.

–> Blog interface won’t let me turn the image, so kindly tilt your head 90 degrees to the left.

d.     Ecological responsibility

                                               i.     France, as well as most of this region of Europe, seems to really love our beautiful planet. For example, the grocery stores don’t give out bags. Many things are packaged in glass and cardboard so they can be recycled. They don’t utilize as many factory farms (hence meat being super pricey). Utilities are wildly expensive, so people are religious about conserving energy and water.

1.     I, too, passionately love the environment, so it is nice to see a developed country with elevated GDP per capita that still uses the Earth’s resources with care. I wish America would go bagless! Sacrificing minor conveniences can minimize waste and pollution. Don’t you want your future descendants to breathe fresh air? The only reason that I don’t actually hug trees is because I don’t want to get sap on my couture. Moving on…

e.     Location

                                               i.     Europe. Travel to just about anywhere is easy. And the architecture? Breathtaking.

–> Arena built for Roman gladiators in Nîmes.

II.             Cons:

a.     Hygiene

                                               i.     I get it- dog poop is biodegradable. Doesn’t mean I want it to biodegrade on the bottom of my shoe. Also, showering. Sitting in a lecture hall full of students is akin to taking a class in the men’s football locker room at home. Yum.

                                             ii.     I searched for dental floss in the giant store that is basically French Walmart. I first looked where the toothbrushes are. Nope. I asked two clerks who work at the store; they also looked where the toothbrushes are despite my telling them that I just did that. Doing the same thing repetitively and expecting a different result is a working definition of insanity- still no. Alas, I found one box of dental floss on the other side of the store, in the pharmacy, at the bottom of a shelf for 6 euros (equivalent of $8.25). I checked- it wasn’t plated with gold or any other precious metals. But I was a captive audience, a sucker for hygiene. I bought it. On the bright side, I do find myself doing an exceptional job when flossing.

–> I like soap bubbles.

b.     Lurking: Creepers to my left, creepers to my right.

                                               i.     While there are many kind, normal people, there is absolutely an elevated prevalence of creepers. Look at me throwing around this term as if there is only one definition, like everyone knows exactly what I’m referring to. What do I mean when I say “creepers”? I mean people (9 times out of 10, men) who stop you to ask random questions that they probably don’t actually need to know the answer to, especially at night. I’ve been stopped while running by men who stand right in front of me, forcing me to stop or go back the way I came. There are also those who just come right up and touch you, like they can’t see your impenetrable personal bubble space. Give ’em the red light, or a right hook, I mean- whatever it takes.

1.     There is a law here that states that homeless people cannot be arrested or removed by authorities if they have dogs with them. The police must first be able to place all of the dogs in a pound or animal shelter. As a result of this, almost every homeless person walks around with one or, more often several, dogs as a sort of insurance policy. They then get drunk in public and do whatever the hell they want, dragging the poor dogs along for the ride.

a.     Boldly inserts controversial belief: If you cannot care for yourself, you should not be responsible for the safety and wellbeing of a dependent, (animal or child.) It’s a disgrace to the universe.

2.     Attitudes toward women.

a.     This is strategically placed under the creeper heading because, well, it fits here. The sleazy catcalling and constant shameless appraisal of females is so normal here that it was actually in our introduction guide under the section that dictates what we should know in order to to fit in. It’ll never be acceptable in my mind. Feminist: (n.) advocate of the SOCIAL, political, legal, and economic rights for women as equal to those of men (Dictionary.com). Scholarly source right? You got the point.

More to come soon.

X’s O’s & Une bonne journée à tous,

RJB

Location: Montpellier, France