It’s time. It’s been almost 2 weeks since I’ve been back in the country and almost a month since my study abroad program ended. Tomorrow I move into my apartment for college and begin the festivities of the fall semester. It’s time to write that reflection I’ve been putting off this whole time. The thing is, I didn’t push myself to write it any particular time before because usually I would get this pang of sudden realization and closure and the desperate desire just to write all these feelings down. This summer was a little different though. My farewells were spread out over such a long period of time that it just diluted those intense emotions into manageable, expected doses. For starters, some of the friends I said goodbye to attend the same college as I do so it didn’t really feel like goodbye. When I left CIEE for the last time, I cried, but that wasn’t goodbye to Spain because I’d still be there another two weeks. When I left Spain for Italy it wasn’t goodbye because I knew I’d be back in a mere four days. As I bid farewell to each of my friends, it never seemed like goodbye because I was still in Spain, and we can always Skype. I never properly bid my host family farewell because they didn’t end up waking up in time for my 5am departure (although fortunately they did wake up in time to wave goodbye to me through the balcony). When I said goodbye to Spain for real, that didn’t work out because my flight home got cancelled (scored an amazing Business class flight home though so it’s okay). That really messed with the whole separating Spain and home in my mind thing because I was ready to go home, but then I ended up being stuck by myself in the Madrid airport all day, unsure of how many days it would finally take me to get to my destination. In short, there was no absolute moment where it all ended and my heart just shattered they way it did last summer when I left my study abroad program in Tokyo.

My Besties Ginny, Ali, Steve, Emily, Whitney, and Moz

At first I thought it was weird that the moment never came. I kind of expected to be bawling the whole flight home, but it was just a few tears when I ran across the song “For the Good Times” on the Aer Lingus entertainment system. As I thought about it some more, I realized that maybe I never got that distinct feeling of “end” and “closure” because it didn’t exist. I used to describe my experiences abroad as some sort of a “branch” off of my real path of my life. Going back to my real life caused an abrupt end because I had to leave the branch and jump back into my real life path. But Spain doesn’t feel like a branch. It felt like my life. Maybe I never jumped off that “branch” but rather just extended into and joined it together with my original path. You know why I never really felt like it was “goodbye” to Spain? Because in my heart I knew that it was just “see you later”. I am so certain that I will be back there to live within the next few years that I suppose my heart didn’t feel the need to be so sad. Last summer I bid farewell to my friends and the amazing experience I would never have with them in Tokyo. This summer was different because my attachment was not only to my American friends, but even more so to the culture, the language, the Spanish people, and the life I had there. Tokyo was amazing, but Spain has really grown more within my heart.

My Awesome Spanish Friends Fede, Maky, and Ruchi

This summer, I got everything I wanted to experience and more. I made such amazing friends of both my American program companions and Sevillan natives. I lived with an amazing host family and got along so well with them. My Spanish language ability improved so drastically and I even decided to pursue a Spanish minor. I learned to how to plan trips and travel around Europe. I met people from all over the world while staying in hostels. And above all, living in Europe this summer has gradually remolded me from within and changed the goals and ideals I had for myself. I realized that my life could not be more complete without more traveling and living abroad experiences. Most people in the world enjoy traveling and going on vacation, but my desire surpasses the norm and I feel like I thrive so much when I’m living in other countries–I just never really want to leave (and don’t even miss home all that much). I’ve realized that this dream of sojourning the world as a carefree spirit has an expiration date and is far too important to give up. So I decided that after college I am going to live abroad for 3 years: a year in Europe, a year in Asia, and a year in Australia. I know that doesn’t exactly match up with the pre-professional high-achieving aspirations Schreyer Honors College may have for me, but I have learned this summer to not take life so seriously. Having conversed with so many non-Americans, I have come to realize that other people in the world don’t have such a strict view of the socially acceptable American path to success of “college then maybe grad school then straight to the prestigious profession in which I remain for the rest of my life”, and they get on just fine! Sometimes I feel like we know no other way, and if we don’t follow this strict path, then somehow we may be doomed forever more to poverty and disgrace. But I have seen the true possibility of living and working abroad.

Florence with Whitney

Sunset Over the Tuscan Countryside

I have also learned to not take life so seriously. I’ve realized that I can loosen the reigns a little and have faith that something perfect for me will come along though I may not know what it will be. I have learned that it’s okay to let go of the secure, illuminated path and risk taking one that’s completely a mystery. Right now I still have plans of settling down in a permanent location once I’m ready to start a family, and I would still like to become a Physician’s Assistant and Registered Dietitian, but who knows how three years abroad will change me? Regardless, I’m willing to accept that my life could go in a completely different direction and that’s okay because every step of the way, I will be making the choice that makes me most happy. So be it. As the Spanish say, “Live rich, die poor”.

Business Class Flight Home!!

[Note: This entry was written on Aug 15 but I just took a long time to upload it onto the blog]

Location: State College, PA, USA

           I’m having a crisis right now. I’m feeling so overwhelmed because I want to do so many things that just are not possible in one lifetime!! Right now I am completely obsessed with living abroad and I literally just want to study abroad in every country. I kind of want to just stay in school longer so that I have more time to study abroad (and this is already my 2^nd summer studying abroad). Living abroad is just absolutely amazing–I feel like I just never want to do the “real life” thing. And I’m stressed now because I want to become fluent in 5 languages (English, Chinese, Japanese, Spanish, and either Arabic or French) but that means that I need to spend more time in all those countries and there’s just NOT enough time!! Even if I live one year in each country, it will take 4 years. But then one year might not even be enough to solidify my knowledge of those languages. How do people who know so many languages do it?? I feel like it doesn’t make sense to live abroad so many places though. I probably have to narrow down but I don’t want to choose! I wish I knew more about the opportunities there are to live abroad. I don’t really know what it will be like when I’m actually living and working rather than studying though. I’ve recently been thinking that I literally just want to be young forever, never get married, and just travel for the rest of my life. How am I going to get back into reality? Or is the “real world” we know of just a social construct of hopeful college students? I’m freaking out because life is too short to not live it up, seize all opportunities, and take risks! I have 8 more years of youth before I have to conform to society’s norms of getting married and having a family (maybe 10 if I never find my soul mate). Never in my life have I been less romantic and un-wanting of romance. I’m so scared of getting attached to someone because then my heart and mind won’t be free to do whatever I myself want to do anymore.

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             Okay, I feel better now after translating those thoughts and emotions into words. I literally was freaking out about 15 minutes ago. I’m calm again, but I still want to travel the world and do amazing things. Something like what Liz Gilbert did in Eat Pray Love would be absolutely amazing…

Location: Sevilla, Spain

This weekend marked a monumentous moment in my life: I have traversed into my 4^th continent! It’s on my bucket list to go to all 7 continents, and so far, I’ve been to North America, Asia, Europe, and now Africa!! Interestingly, the Spanish do not consider the world to be divided into 7 continents, but rather 5 (Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia, and America). Apparently, Antarctica is not actually a continent for them. And America is just America. Go figure. By their standards though, I have already hit 4 out of 5 continents! Woot!!

Ever since I found out I was going to Spain, the two other countries I wanted to visit most while I’m here were Morocco and Portugal. I had my doubts once I arrived here though because people were talking about how it’s unsafe to go to Morocco right now due to political unrest in other North African countries. But last Monday we had presentations from various travel agencies and I found out that about 15 other kids on my program also wanted to go to Morocco and we all signed up for a the Fantasy trip through WeLoveSpain travel agency. We left on Friday afternoon by bus and it literally took us all day to get to our hotel in Morocco. We took a bus to Algeciras, Spain, and from there we took a ferry to Ceuta. I loved the ferry ride and spent nearly the whole time on the deck–I loved feeling the ocean wind and just love staring out into the waters. Sometimes, I would put my arms up and with the rocking of the boat and the strength of the wind, I felt like I was floating in a dream. Since Spain and Morocco are so close, we could see land practically the whole time, which was pretty interesting.

View from the ferry!

             Ceuta is a port on the continent of Africa and practically within Morocco, but it is Spanish territory. All of us were surprised because there was no security and no one checked our passports as we emerged from the ferry station. The border was about 20 minutes from the water and to our dismay, it took over an hour to get all of our passports checked because there was another tour bus in front of us. I was completely ecstatic when we got our passports back with the Morocco stamp. I’ve never cared so much about passport stamps and visas before; to me, my passport was just a booklet that I needed to get places. But now those stamps matter so much to me and I just cannot wait to fill up my pages with the evidence of my journeys across the world.

Kyle and Fleur in Moroccan attire

Before I got to Morocco, I literally was just expecting and anticipating the worst. I barely brought anything because I thought I would get mugged everywhere, and I was expecting to just be in fear of getting robbed or shot the whole time. I also feared food or water poisoning. As you can see, I really didn’t have that much faith in my well being in Morocco; I just really wanted that stamp on my passport. I was still a little afraid during our first night in the hotel in Tetuan. While I was in the shower, I was half expecting some masked man to barge in and kidnap me. At dinner, I was also afraid of eating most things on my salad plate. The next morning, however, I saw Morocco in the daylight and realized that there really wasn’t much to fear.

Leaps in the Blue City!

               Early Saturday morning we went to Chefchaoeun (nicknamed the Blue City) and it was one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. I soon realized that Morocco wasn’t all desert and emptiness the way I had envisioned Africa to be. Morocco (and most of North Africa) is a Muslim country so it’s really more like the Middle East. The people also looked like a cross of Spanish and Middle Eastern people. Sub-Saharan Africa is more like what people imagine when they think of Africa. Our tour guide in Chefchaoeun was this little old man named Toto that resembled Yoda from Star Wars in both stature and disposition. He was very stoic, but he said ridiculous things in such a nonchalant way that it was absolutely hilarious. And his voice just boomed from his tiny little body in such a majestic way. My favorite Toto moment was when he stopped a couple girls from taking a picture, explaining to them that soon there would be a “Super Duper” photo op. In both Tetuan and Chefchaouen, there was an urbanized area with large streets and an enclosed area with old edifices and only pedestrians. We toured only the enclosed areas and I suppose that they must be the original towns. In Chefchaouen, the buildings were all blue and white and really reminded me of Santorini in Greece! When we first started walking around, the little town was so peaceful because it was still early so barely anyone was outside. Later in the day, all the little doors opened up to reveal tons and tons of little market-esque stores and we had some free time to go shopping. On the whole, everything looked very pretty and I really wanted to buy something, but nothing stuck out to me in particular.

Toto the Great

In the afternoon, we went to Tetuan for lunch in a cool Moroccan restaurant, but it was filled with tourists. The food was all right, but I really loved the after-meal tea. I think it is a typical Moroccan tea because we had it for dinner too (it’s basically green tea with sugar and mint), and it is honestly the best tea I’ve ever had. All throughout the meal, performers like musicians and acrobats moved all around the rooms, and there was also a Henna lady. I got my name written on my arm with henna, which I later realized was not the best idea because I kept bumping into people and rubbing off the henna. Also, random guys on the street would say my name because it was written right on my arm (more funny than bothersome). Sohayla also taught me how to say Hello friend (Salam, Habibi) in Arabic and I was saying it to everyone! The people there seemed nice, but obviously more impoverished. People would always approach you to try to get you to buy stuff. And the most surprising thing to me was that a lot of the stuff in the outdoor markets was blatantly second-hand clothes, shoes, and electronics. In Tetuan, I bought a cute little leather over-shoulder purse and green tea for my host family.

Market in Chefchaoeun

Second hand items in Tetuan

After Tetuan, we got on the bus again for a nice nap (we pretty much nap whenever we get on a bus) and headed for Tangier, where we visited the Grotte d’Hercules and rode camels! The Grotte (cave) was cool because there was an opening from which you could see the ocean and there were also little market booths. By now I had started to notice that pretty much all the booths (no matter the city) sold certain pieces of jewelry that were exactly the same, but they often asked for different prices. The camel ride was cool, but I definitely hyped it up too much in my mind. I was picturing a 20-minute journey in a camel caravan across the Sahara desert, but it was actually just a two-minute ride off the side of the road by a beach. It wasn’t as amazing as I had hoped, but I still got some pretty sweet pictures and rode a freakin’ camel!!

We spent Saturday night at a hotel in Tangier (the city itself wasn’t very pretty nor interesting and we didn’t even take a tour of it). We had dinner in this really big tent right by the hotel and watched a “Fantasy” dinner show. I was really looking forward to it, but it was kind of awkward and the belly dancer never actually showed up. It was still a really cool experience though, and one of the performers made me go on stage to dance with a candle on my head.  

On Sunday, we took a tour of Ceuta by bus (thankfully, because all of us were tired of walking by then). It was beautiful, and in comparison to Morocco, looked so starkly Spanish and wealthy. Then we took the ferry back to Algeciras and a bunch of us took a tour to Gibraltar. It wasn’t until yesterday that I realized that Gibraltar is actually British territory. We needed our passports to get in and once we crossed the border, everything was suddenly in English! It wasn’t until then that I realized how comforting it was to see English everywhere. We took a bus tour there as well and our driver/guide was British (which made me really want to go to London)! Although Gibraltar had been on my list of top places to go, I didn’t realize that it was actually a city… I just thought it was a rock. It actually has a population of 35,000 though! Halfway up the rock, we stopped at a cliff overlook with a lighthouse and it was a stunning sight. I don’t think I’ve ever been at the edge of a cliff before then. We also went into this huge cave that randomly had an auditorium inside and “played” with the monkeys for a bit. We weren’t actually allowed to touch the monkeys because they bite so we just kind of posed near them for pictures. Gibraltar was really cool, but I was a little disappointed because I couldn’t see Africa. I thought that Gibraltar was famous for being able to see the coast of Africa and that’s the reason I really wanted to go, but it was a little muggy over the waters that day and I just couldn’t see far enough.

Macaque monkey atop the rock of Gibraltar!

Lighthouse in Gibraltar (and take note of henna on arm!)

             All in all, I had an amazing time this trip and I’m so happy that I went. I was glad that I was only there for a weekend though–I couldn’t live there. I loved seeing everything because it was all so new and it opened up my horizons to a continent that I really don’t know much about. It was completely worth my 3 days and $300 and trip to Spain wouldn’t have been complete without this experience.

Location: Chefchaouen, Morocco

          I am. So. EXHAUSTED!! I left at 9:30 this morning to go to class and was out all day till just now (6:45pm), and I have to leave again in 15 minutes. Since we walk everywhere, it takes a long time to go everywhere and on my way home, my feet are always killing me! It doesn’t help either that the sidewalks are not paved. I love Sevilla though, I’m already starting to get a sense of the city, and sometimes I can go home without getting lost!! Haha, it sounds bad, but that’s actually kind of impressive. This city is just so crazy because there are no straight streets and clear-cut intersections. You can’t really say “take the second left and then the first right” because there are probably 3 lefts and 2 rights spread out over a plaza. Also, their street signs are written on buildings rather than on posts at intersections like ours; they are typically at the ends of streets so if your intersection hits the middle of a street, sometimes you can’t even tell what street it is. Before I came here, I thought I had a good sense of direction, but boy is this place hard to navigate.

           We had a tour of the Catedral and Giralda today and the view of Sevilla was so beautiful from La Giralda (the famous tower of the cathedral). The Catedral in Sevilla is the 3rd largest cathedral in the world and it took 400 years to build so there are all sorts of architectural styles inside, it’s really cool. From the top of the tower, you can see the whole city. The main part of Sevilla (El Centro) really isn’t that big, you can probably walk from one side to the other within 45 minutes. Last summer, I thought that I walked a lot in Tokyo, but we also took the the train a lot to different parts of the city. Here however, we literally walk everywhere.

          After the Catedral, Ginny and I went to the Universidad de Sevilla to interview some Spanish students for our Spanish class and it was so much fun! I was apprehensive at first, but all the students were really friendly and I loved talking to them! I was also really impressed with myself that I could actually understand most of what they were saying! Then on the way home Ginny and I talked completely in Spanish. I have improved so immensely in just the past few days, it’s amazing. I really hope that I can become almost fluent by the time I go home! And it’s SO much fun to talk in Spanish!

La Giralda

Inside La Catedral

View from the tower

Catedral from the outside

Location: Sevilla, Spain

Oh my gosh, although it has only been a few days, I feel like a worlds have passed since the last time I wrote!

Our first night in Sevilla, we had dinner with our Orientation groups (Grupo 6 for me!), and since then, we basically spent our entire 2.5 days of orientation with our groups and really became close with each other. I was surprised at how quickly we went from all trying to meet each other to forming cliques and groups of some sorts. Our orientation groups were split by the amount of time we were staying, which is awesome because now my good friends are all staying here for 9 weeks. This experience really reminded me of how people become closest with their hall mates from freshman year. Since we were always together, we just naturally got to know each other better and formed our friend groups that way. Other than that, we also started to get to know people in our living areas since we walk everywhere together.

Our orientation group leader was Roberto (aka RUCHI) and he is absolutely awesome. He’s so sweet and funny though and our entire group just adores him. It’s so cute when he speaks English and he also jokes around with us a lot. We call him Ruchi because when Steve affectionately tried to call him Bobby, he told us that his real nickname was Ruchi. During those first days, he took us all around the city, to CIEE info sessions, and out for all our meals. We went out for tapas a bunch and they were soooo good. But if I ate like that everyday, I would blow up like a pig. In the beginning, we didn’t understand anything on the menu so we just asked Ruchi to order for us, but everything was so delicious.

Ruchi (in blue) y Grupo Seis!

On Friday we were picked up by our host families–I was so nervous as to how everything would be and I felt completely overwhelmed. My host father is named Antonio and although I was nervous and a tad quiet at first, we get along SO well now. He’s absolutely hilarious and he always jokes around. My first afternoon here was really rough. I hadn’t really spoken that much Spanish since I got here and that was the first time where I really entered an immersion environment. I was so rusty (it’s been two years since my last Spanish class) and they said so many things that I just could not understand. I felt so overwhelmed and I literally just NEEDED to get out of the house and talk in English to regain my sanity. I was so relieved when Emily asked me to go shopping with her. Since I didn’t really know where I was going, Antonio dropped me off at OpenCor (something like CVS for us) on his motorcycle which was super cool! So many people ride motorcycles here!

I had never really noticed my race as a huge factor before because I’ve always been in places where it’s normal to see Asians, but I literally did not see any Asians around that day and I just felt so foreign and out of place. I thought I would adjust really well to life in another country and homestay since I’ve already done it twice in Japan, but I didn’t realize how much being Asian actually helped me in Japan.  After talking to Emily and shopping though, I felt a lot more comfortable, and now I feel pretty much normal. I’ve seen a couple Asians around–one in a school uniform today and others in little convenience stores. In fact, you’ll see little Tiendas Chinas (chinese stores) everywhere–the stereotype for Chinese people here is that they all own convenience stores.

New phones for Jason, Whitney, Andrew and me!

On Saturday we went to Cadiz (the oldest city in Europe) and it was so beautiful. In the morning we did a walking tour (my feet were dying already due to how much we’ve been walking) and ascended this cathedral tower from which we could see the whole city. It was so awesome– the buildings were all white, which I loved because it reminded me of Santorini. In the afternoon we just chilled on the beach and it was so relaxing. The waters were so beautiful and blue, but the beach area was kind of dirty and rocky. 

             Yesterday (Sunday) we took a hiking trip to Valdelarco in Huelva. Almost everyone signed up but less than two thirds actually showed up. It was a lot tougher than I thought it would be, but so worth it. I initially thought it would be a leisurely walk through nature on paths, and all of us wore shorts, but the morning walk was pretty rough. Save for a couple big steep hills, it wasn’t actually that difficult physically. The sucky part was that we had to walk through plants and we didn’t know to wear pants so a few of us got really scratched up. I got a couple scratches around my left ankle and they were bleeding. Then we had our bocadillos (sandwiches) atop this overlook of the mountains and it was so beautiful. The afternoon walk was also much more beautiful and scenic and looked more like the Spanish countryside that I had envisioned. I loved it. I got home around 5:30 and then literally just sat on the couch with my family until bedtime. I love spending time with them; they are all so nice and welcoming and I just really like being in such a warm family atmosphere.

Hiking in Huelva

Today (Monday) was the first day of classes and it was fun! Although class lasts for 3 hours every morning, I enjoyed it because my teacher is so animated and we have a small class (6 people) so it’s really interactive. I’m taking Intermediate Spanish right now.

In the afternoon, we came back to CIEE to meet with some representatives from travel agencies and I decided that I really really really want to go to Morocco this weekend. The two places that I wanted to visit the most since before I came here are Portugal and Morocco, but unfortunately most of my friends here have no interest in Morocco so I kind of gave that up. But then I realized that I need to stay true to myself and not submit to peer pressure so much. Sometimes I feel like I need to constantly do what everyone else is doing because I want to be “in the group”, but I hate having to try so hard. I like many of the people here and they’re all really nice, but I realized that I’m not always like everyone else. Many of my classmates here all want to go party all the time, and I was really excited about that at first, but then I realized that that’s not what’s most important to me. I’ve definitely grown since my last summer abroad in Tokyo, where I just wanted to always go out with my American friends. Now, I really want to get to know Spaniards and embrace new ideas and cultures.

Location: Sevilla, Spain