I’m crazy. I’m actually certifiably nuts. Let me give you a little peak into the mind of an Emma, but you’ve been warned.

This story starts with me researching what I need to pack for my semester in Chile. This story ends with me looking up the Spanish words for asparagus and rape.

So I get back from work today and open up my computer. There’s an email from IES with the details for my new host family assignment (long story short…my original host family assignment has a cat and I recently discovered cats make my eyeballs feel like they need to be soaked in Selsun Blue). Along with my housing assignment was information on being picked up at the airport and a caveat to dress warmly due to the cold weather in Santiago recently.

Thought 1.) I should research what to wear. What do Chilean’s wear? Do I have to dress fancy? I don’t like dressing fancy? I like dressing like a slob. I’m a slob. I’m ratchet. I should shower. Meh, I’ll shower later.

I google what I should wear in Santiago, and after 2 truly grueling minutes looking at blogs written by the self-proclaimed tourist fashion connoisseurs of Chile, I come to one conclusion: Dress like a cake. Because in Donkey’s words, “Not everybody likes onions.”

Thought 2.) I really do love cake. Sugar is great. Maybe I should eat a cookie. Man, that cookie was delicious. Maybe I should work out more so I can eat more. Working out makes me sweaty. I’m gross. Ok, I definitely need a shower.

I hop in the shower and start mentally going through my wardrobe trying to think of layers for my cake outfit.

Thought 3.) Sweaters are good layers. Oooo my comfy purple sweater! But that looks like a Bill Cosby sweater. Do Chileans know who Bill Cosby is? What if I have to explain to my host family who Bill Cosby is? I don’t think I know the word for rape in Spanish. I need to look that up. My host family is going to think I’m crazy if I know the word for rape but not for something dumb, like asparagus. What if they ask me if I like asparagus and I say no because I don’t know what they’re asking me? Then I won’t have any asparagus! I do like asparagus. I like food. Maybe I should eat another cookie.

So here I am, writing this post to inform you all that the first 3 words on google translate for rape are la violación, la colza, and el estupro. Asparagus is el espárragos. There you have it. I’m crazy. And no, I have not decided yet if I’m going to pack my purple sweater.

Location: West Chester, PA