After having flown to Paris, and taken the TGV to Aix-en-Provence, where my studies will have officially begun, I have completed my first week in a town that will probably change me.

The reason I say probably is because there is something underneath every rock overturned in this seemingly quaint town, and I have only just begun to uncover the surface of this treasure trove of art, culture, history, and hospitality. With every person I meet I can see reflections of those I meet in my hometown. Although there are vast differences in the culture I can see the same concerns, life problems, and passions that I have come to be familiar with growing up. This may not surprise you because, hey it’s just France, it shouldn’t be very different anyway. But it would probably surprise you in how different the people here are with their various cultural nuances, that could easily be interpreted for rudeness. The following are a few adaptations I needed to make  to my preexisting behavior and cultural norms as to not offend anyone I came in contact with:

1. Only smile at a stranger if you want their attention.

This one is still hard for me to do, because smiling to me is so natural and frequently done:  whether it’s acknowledging someone on the street, substituting a hello with a smile, or simply showing that you are a kind person. Apparently Americans smile too much, and this could send the wrong message at a bar or club if you’re not careful about where and when you flash your teeth. Some of the locals have said to me that they don’t mind and actually like the extra smiling, but others think it to be unnecessary and almost creepy. During orientation, one of the professors compared the people from the United States to people from France in the following manner: “Americans are like peaches. They have a soft and friendly skin, but their inside is harder to get through; it’s harder to get to actually know them once you meet them. The french are like coconuts. It may take a long time to break through the seemingly hard shell, but once that is done there is refreshing, flowing and friendly personality. They say once you make a friend in France, they are your friend for life. In my limited personal experience I don’t know this to be fact but I truly hope this is true.

2. Always say “Bonjour”.

The typical “French waiters are rude” stereotype may or may not be true, but half of the time they are only rude because a customer walks in without greeting and begins giving orders. “Bonjour” could be the difference between the friendliest store clerk or employee you have ever had the pleasure of dealing with and one who barely acknowledges your existence and shoots you dirty looks from the other side of the store. This will probably help me in peeling that coconut shell back one layer at a time.

3. Dress nicely (this definition will change from your expectation at home).

As a college student, I dress during the day like a rolled out of bed, or am going to the gym, and when I go out I dress to the nines. There is a stark difference in my dress between AM and PM, and I didn’t think I would have to adapt that much to my new residence in France. I was incredibly wrong. During the day, people dress nicely but also casually (French chic if you will) and at night… the same way. No flashy dresses, high heels, short skirts, crop tops… just dressing conservatively, simply, and nicely. So girls, please leave all of those clothes that expose more skin than they cover at home, because you may get a lot of unwanted attention from the wrong people.

4. People will not be offended if you ask if they speak English, or try to explain something in English

Sure, I am here to speak French, but sometimes when you are trying to explain a difficult concept that may be unique to your culture. For example the other day I was trying to explain to a frenchman what the term “doing something for shits and giggles” meant, and I definitely needed to use my best franglais (french + english). Most people here speak at least some english and some are incredibly proficient. But please, don’t be the obnoxious person speaking more loudly as if that will help them understand what you are trying to say. If there is one thing I’ve learned is that there are always ways around a language barrier. I watched in horror the other day when my classmate was trying to ask for more ketchup and began to wave the ketchup packets in the face of the waiter, who was one of the nicest french waiters I had met on my journey. Even if you don’t speak a lick of French, just apologize and please at least memorize “I don’t speak french, do you speak english?” (je ne parle pas francais, parles-tu l’anglais?). It will really go a long way and will maybe help you in making a friend for the moment.

5. Don’t change any item on the menu.

Waiters will hate you if you take an item on the menu and customize it: “Can I have this sandwich? But can you take off the tomato and put on mayonnaise instead of ketchup and then chicken instead of beef? You will be the most hated customer, because the menus are fixed, and they may not even accommodate your request. The day that my classmate waved the ketchup in the face of the waiter she also asked for a million and one changes onto an order that I thought even an American waiter would be a but upset with. But luckily since he was so nice it made little difference in our dining experience. The tips of the waiters are included in the bill, so one does not need to worry about tipping them, meaning that they get a fixed salary. Having a fixed salary means that they do not need to schmooze like american waiters and waitresses. They will do their jobs, and only that. If you are just clear in what you want and don’t waste their time, you will usually be fine. My friend Danielle still hasn’t understood the fact that swiftness is usually the answer and spends 30 seconds saying in french “please, sorry, if you could… please, if it’s possible I would like to maybe have… a hamburger?”. It’s not like I am much more experienced in french culture, but a swift “un hamburger, s’il vous plait” would have easily sufficed.

I find more interest noticing the cultural differences than being the stereotypical blogger that posts about the exotic places they visited, the cool pictures they took of monuments that have been photographed a million times over, and the delicious meals they consumed (granted, I will include these details in some posts since they may be essential to the story). I want to be able to ask different questions and I want to stray away from what, where and who… but instead how and why. What, where and who are only the tip of the iceberg. I hope to find the extraordinary in the seemingly ordinary and paint a landscape using strokes of colorful nuances instead of the inflexible stamps of overrated monuments and predictable cuisine. I hope to achieve this goal in subsequent posts, and also hope that this experience will not only change my life, but also the way I think. An observation or experience does not have depth unless it can be translated, relatable, understood, and illustrated. Stray away from categorizing people and things and liberate your mind from judgement. Give the benefit of the doubt and expect to be given the benefit of the doubt. Because any journey should be started with a blank canvas.