As much as I love blogging, I’ve realized that I really don’t like doing anything that is attached to a due date. Nevertheless, here is my last PSU blog post.

I’ve been back in the states for almost two full weeks now (after leaving ZA, I went to Aruba for a week with some family and got home the Sunday after Thanksgiving), and I can’t say that I’ve still fully adjusted. I think part of the reason it has taken me so long to write this post is because I wasn’t sure exactly what angle I wanted to take. I’m still not completely sure about what I want this post to say, but here goes nothing…

I got an email from my RA while I was on vactaion. In it, he said something that really struck me:

“Autumn, from on person to another, I really hope that you had a good time here in RSA. I hope that you learned a lot from being here and from being in UCT. I hope that you went to the US feeling a bit sad and that when you get there you find it harder to go back to the ordinary existence. I hope it is harder for you to relate with your friends. Because that will mean you have travelled, that you have internalised something that your friends have not. The purpose of a traveller is to come home changed, older and wiser. I think that you will be one of the very few exchange students that went home feeling like that.”

I can honestly say that I have noticed that change. I’ve noticed that it’s not always as easy to communicate with the people I call “friends.” I’ve noticed that I react differently in certain social situations and that things that never bothered me about certain people before get completely under my skin. I’ve noticed that I’m more patient when things happen to me in life and that I don’t overreact at the drop of a dime. I’ve noticed that, to some extent, I’m more sensitive to people’s feelings and more in tune with the needs of others.

I can’t exactly explain why, or tell you what event or series of events caused these changes, but I can tell you that I’m hesitant to re-emerse myself into the culture of Penn State and State College. I’m making every effort not to go back to my old way of thinking and I try, at every turn, to incorporate the global critical thinking skills I learned while abroad.

To put it simply, culture shock is real, and I would hate for it to overwhelm me. Every day my heart aches for the sight of table mountain or to hear my RA’s voice. I yearn to see the kids I spent every Monday and Wednesday with at Baphumelele and I think constantly about all of the wonderful experiences I left behind. I find myself being overwhelmed by my constant access to social media sites and unlimited unlimited text messages and air time minutes. It blows my mind that there is so much to do, but really no where to go, and I find myself becoming frustrated by the question, “Well, how was it?”

I have no intention of sounding like I’m not happy to be home. I love to U.S. South Africa made me realize, in a very real way, that as much as I disagree with about these good old United States, this is where my home is. My family and friends, my church, and my entire lifetime of experiences are all right here. The problem currently, though, is that my heart and mind are still in another place. I’m trying to adjust. Each day it gets a little bit easier, but somedays it is harder than others.

As I sit here now, trying to keep it together and finish this post, I’m reminded that everything happens for a reason. I know that God didn’t allow me to go to and fall in love with Cape Town with no intention of bringing me over there ever again. Although I don’t know when, I know that someday I’ll be back. For now, though, all I can do is reflect on the blessing that is my study abroad experience and attempt to situate myself back into my life as a domestic American college student.

Picture taken from http://www.capeintern.com/

Location: State College, PA